I am reminded today of the fact that all we have is this present moment. We can’t be anywhere else than where we are right now. We can’t, by sheer willpower – in this moment -- make ourselves into something we are not. No matter how fiercely we may want to.
Years ago, my heart was broken by a man who wanted something different, while I wanted him. An old story, indeed. I tried with all my will to alter that hollow feeling, that echo in my head of “he doesn’t want me.” I vaguely knew that my thoughts about it were making me feel worse and yet I couldn’t stop myself. Now I know why. I had to accept where I was first, before I could move on.
I knew enough to know that if this was happening to me that I had attracted it. And trust me, that is a hard pill to swallow! But wait…if that was true, that I had brought this incredible pain to my doorstep, then there must be a gift inside there somewhere for me. Napoleon Hill says: “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” Aha!
Accepting what is going on right now in your life is the gateway to freedom. When we just accept that whatever we have going on JUST IS and it’s okay, the grip of resistance is loosed and change is now free to take place. Resisting (or resenting or regretting) our present circumstances is sure to guarantee that they stay.
So how do you accept what is?
First, remember you don’t have all the information. (In fact, it’s impossible.) How many times, in hindsight, can you see that a seeming disaster was really a needed change? If we could look at each unhappy occurrence in that light -- as curious observers to God’s master plan -- we could reach peace about it more quickly.
Second, remind yourself of some truths. Otherwise known as affirmations, statements like these can help you get centered in acceptance. “Well Being Abounds.” “I am worthy.” “I don’t have to know everything that’s going to happen, I know enough.”
Third, practice forgiveness. A fine habit to develop, forgive everyone and everything you can think of. When you realize we are all flawed and perfect at the same time, you can let everyone – and yourself – off the hook.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Being Me
This week my friend honored me by asking me to read the blessing at her upcoming wedding. I was so touched, tears immediately welled up in my eyes. Embarrassed, I held them back while exclaiming, "Oh no, I am crying!" So I was wondering why that was my first reaction? I love my friend so dearly, why would I be embarrassed to cry in front of her?
First about her: in my book of positive aspects, I have two pages on her -- her attributes are so many. There are many entries about her physical beauty (seriously, she is flawless!) There are many about her service to me (helped me get a job, hired me herself twice, supported me in both my adoptions.) There are her character traits that I so admire (volunteerism, committed to her own self-growth, dedication in her relationships) And her personality (funny, she's got a great mind - so creative, she's always thinking outside the box.) She really does have it all.
And now she is marrying the absolute dream man. Kind, considerate, smart, funny & hot. (hmmm just like her...)
And I guess I doubted my fabulousness for a minute. Although in my book of positive aspects, the page on me is even longer than the one on her, there are many items that she has that I do not. And it is a very human thing, I think, to look at another's greatness and shrink in comparison. And it is WRONG! This kind of thinking comes from the mindset of competition. That if she has something that I don't, that I am left wanting or lacking in some way. But the truth is -- good for me -- that she has it and I KNOW HER. And of course, I have things she does not because we are all in this together. How would that work out if we all had the exact same attributes? We sure wouldn't need each other then.
So it's back to humility. I am me and that's all I can be. And it has to be OK with me. Right here, right now. I have all that I need to be me. The only comparison that makes sense is comparing me with the me I used to be. (And, wow, I have grown!) And besides, the Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. Therefore, she could not even be in my experience if we were not alike.
One of my favorite authors, Catherine Ponder, says that we should always be happy for the successes of others. If we can bless them, those same successes are on their way to us. The fact that we can witness another's success means we are very close to our own. So don't listen to the voice that wants to tell you that you are not enough. You are always enough for whatever you are living. When you remember that fact, the clarity you need for your next right step always appears.
This week my friend honored me by asking me to read the blessing at her upcoming wedding. I was so touched, tears immediately welled up in my eyes. Embarrassed, I held them back while exclaiming, "Oh no, I am crying!" So I was wondering why that was my first reaction? I love my friend so dearly, why would I be embarrassed to cry in front of her?
First about her: in my book of positive aspects, I have two pages on her -- her attributes are so many. There are many entries about her physical beauty (seriously, she is flawless!) There are many about her service to me (helped me get a job, hired me herself twice, supported me in both my adoptions.) There are her character traits that I so admire (volunteerism, committed to her own self-growth, dedication in her relationships) And her personality (funny, she's got a great mind - so creative, she's always thinking outside the box.) She really does have it all.
And now she is marrying the absolute dream man. Kind, considerate, smart, funny & hot. (hmmm just like her...)
And I guess I doubted my fabulousness for a minute. Although in my book of positive aspects, the page on me is even longer than the one on her, there are many items that she has that I do not. And it is a very human thing, I think, to look at another's greatness and shrink in comparison. And it is WRONG! This kind of thinking comes from the mindset of competition. That if she has something that I don't, that I am left wanting or lacking in some way. But the truth is -- good for me -- that she has it and I KNOW HER. And of course, I have things she does not because we are all in this together. How would that work out if we all had the exact same attributes? We sure wouldn't need each other then.
So it's back to humility. I am me and that's all I can be. And it has to be OK with me. Right here, right now. I have all that I need to be me. The only comparison that makes sense is comparing me with the me I used to be. (And, wow, I have grown!) And besides, the Law of Attraction states that like attracts like. Therefore, she could not even be in my experience if we were not alike.
One of my favorite authors, Catherine Ponder, says that we should always be happy for the successes of others. If we can bless them, those same successes are on their way to us. The fact that we can witness another's success means we are very close to our own. So don't listen to the voice that wants to tell you that you are not enough. You are always enough for whatever you are living. When you remember that fact, the clarity you need for your next right step always appears.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Don't Look Back
I've noticed this tendency in my clients, and myself, to look at past events and say, "Oh, if that would only have gone this way," or "if this had not happened," or "if I'd only known..." But to say this is to miss the point -- we aren't supposed to know! The art of living --the fun of it all -- is in the learning as we go along. In fact, when we spend time lamenting the past, we have stopped moving forward. Consider this quote by Alexander Graham Bell, "When one door closes another opens. But we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us." So every time we look back, we stop the flow of abundance to us. Our work is to look for the positive aspects of all that happens to us. Why? Well first, because when your focus is on what went wrong you are attracting more of that. It's like taking one step forward and two steps back. And secondly, because you never know exactly how the Universe is delivering your good to you. If you bless everything that happens, you are bound to hit upon the one thing that is, in fact, the next step to what you have been praying for!
There is an old fable to illustrate this point:
There was an old Chinese farmer who had only one horse, and one day the horse ran away. The neighbors came to console him over his terrible loss. The farmer said, “Good thing, bad thing, I don’t know”
A month later, the horse came home--this time bringing with her two beautiful wild horses. The neighbors became excited at the farmer's good fortune. Such lovely strong horses! The farmer said, “Good thing, bad thing, I don’t know.”
The farmer's son was thrown from one of the wild horses and broke his leg. All the neighbors were very distressed. Such bad luck! The farmer said, “Good thing, bad thing, I don’t know.”
A war came, and every able-bodied man was conscripted and sent into battle. Only the farmer's son, because he had a broken leg, remained. The neighbors congratulated the farmer. “Good thing, bad thing, I don’t know,” said the farmer.
So you see, you never know which seemingly regrettable event is really bringing you a great boon. Bless them all and place your attention firmly back to your future and what you want to transpire. As Micheal Beckwith put it, "Energy flows where attention goes."
Here's some things to say when you are tempted to lament past events:
1) Something good will come out of that.
2) Hmm. That was interesting.
3) I refuse to give my attention to that; I'm going to look ahead.
4) I bless that situation and everyone in it.
Say it and let it go. This is such a vital habit to develop if you want a truly prosperous life. Do you?
I've noticed this tendency in my clients, and myself, to look at past events and say, "Oh, if that would only have gone this way," or "if this had not happened," or "if I'd only known..." But to say this is to miss the point -- we aren't supposed to know! The art of living --the fun of it all -- is in the learning as we go along. In fact, when we spend time lamenting the past, we have stopped moving forward. Consider this quote by Alexander Graham Bell, "When one door closes another opens. But we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us." So every time we look back, we stop the flow of abundance to us. Our work is to look for the positive aspects of all that happens to us. Why? Well first, because when your focus is on what went wrong you are attracting more of that. It's like taking one step forward and two steps back. And secondly, because you never know exactly how the Universe is delivering your good to you. If you bless everything that happens, you are bound to hit upon the one thing that is, in fact, the next step to what you have been praying for!
There is an old fable to illustrate this point:
There was an old Chinese farmer who had only one horse, and one day the horse ran away. The neighbors came to console him over his terrible loss. The farmer said, “Good thing, bad thing, I don’t know”
A month later, the horse came home--this time bringing with her two beautiful wild horses. The neighbors became excited at the farmer's good fortune. Such lovely strong horses! The farmer said, “Good thing, bad thing, I don’t know.”
The farmer's son was thrown from one of the wild horses and broke his leg. All the neighbors were very distressed. Such bad luck! The farmer said, “Good thing, bad thing, I don’t know.”
A war came, and every able-bodied man was conscripted and sent into battle. Only the farmer's son, because he had a broken leg, remained. The neighbors congratulated the farmer. “Good thing, bad thing, I don’t know,” said the farmer.
So you see, you never know which seemingly regrettable event is really bringing you a great boon. Bless them all and place your attention firmly back to your future and what you want to transpire. As Micheal Beckwith put it, "Energy flows where attention goes."
Here's some things to say when you are tempted to lament past events:
1) Something good will come out of that.
2) Hmm. That was interesting.
3) I refuse to give my attention to that; I'm going to look ahead.
4) I bless that situation and everyone in it.
Say it and let it go. This is such a vital habit to develop if you want a truly prosperous life. Do you?
Monday, June 29, 2009
Defensiveness - It's all about YOU
Why is it when I'm dealing with a topic, everyone around me starts buzzing with the same thing? (Short answer: Law of Attraction) Anyway, lately I've been looking at defensiveness. I got defensive at another mom when I was watching our kids play. I assumed that an action by her was an affront to me and I got defensive about it. The poor soul apologized ten times, but I had this uncomfortable, lingering, icky feeling that I finally figured out. It was not her fault at all, it was my interpretation of her actions that was the problem. When I cooled down, I was able to reframe her actions in the context of "not having anything to do with me." I could understand her concern for her child and - get this - I might have done the same thing. But there was a message for me in there...
My conclusion is that whenever I am defensive, I am coming from a place of fear. Fear that I will look bad, fear that someone is judging me, fear that I am not in control. (Yikes!) I guess all fear boils down to: fear I'll lose something I have, fear I'll not get something I want.
But when I am in faith, when I am standing in who I truly am, I don't get defensive - about anything. So in reality my defensiveness is a gift to me - it shows me that I'm not standing in the right place. A shift needs to take place and then all is well. Sometimes it is holding onto a positive thought, like an affirmation. Sometimes prayer will produce the needed shift. One thing is for sure though, it is up to me, because it is all happening in me. So in the end... I do have control. AHA!
My conclusion is that whenever I am defensive, I am coming from a place of fear. Fear that I will look bad, fear that someone is judging me, fear that I am not in control. (Yikes!) I guess all fear boils down to: fear I'll lose something I have, fear I'll not get something I want.
But when I am in faith, when I am standing in who I truly am, I don't get defensive - about anything. So in reality my defensiveness is a gift to me - it shows me that I'm not standing in the right place. A shift needs to take place and then all is well. Sometimes it is holding onto a positive thought, like an affirmation. Sometimes prayer will produce the needed shift. One thing is for sure though, it is up to me, because it is all happening in me. So in the end... I do have control. AHA!
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